rost

the last two weeks have been spent obsessively watching the first season of lost.
this evening we watched the final three episodes.

oh. my. gosh.

i don't want to wait until the current season comes out on dvd, and i don't want to jump right in the middle of everything and completely ruin it, so the plan is to download the first several episodes and project them onto our wall. then we will watch them until our eyes bleed.

it will be amazing.

last night i broke up with my boyfriend.
if you happen to see me in the next few days,
be sure to give me a hug.
i could use it.

i had thought that since i was the one
ending the relationship
perhaps i would feel relief.

but matt has proven himself
as the most amazing person i have ever known.
i worry that i made the wrong choice,
even though it's the best i could do
given the circumstances.

needing some visual stimulation

i'm looking for Hermano

my brother tricked me into going along with him for christmas shopping even though i have decided to ignore the holiday and its obligatory gift-giving. after sixty dollars (one gift down, four more to go) we met up with melissa at standford's for happy hour. peter talked about perhaps extending his career in the marines to be trained as a sniper.

once we got home i showed melissa a picture of me with permed blonde hair at the tender age of eleven. along with my photos of camp and home school friends with bad fashion sense was a sideways, half cut off image of my little brother with head gear on, oversized glasses, brown hair askew. pointing a nerf rifle at the camera.

prophetic? i think so.

this snowing and freezing is just the sort of payoff for this bitterly cold weather i'd been hoping for.

and it almsot makes up for having to leave hawaii.

now, if i can only get out of going to work tomorrow...

what i'm not

matt has notoriously bad hair. perhaps not "bad" so much as "eccentric."

tuesday evening he picked me up from the airport with his new mullet.
it's fluffy on the top and sides, and longer than my own hair in the back.

last night i said, matt, you have some fuzzy stuff in your hair.
he said, oh, it's probably just some spider webs.
and he left them there.

i probably shouldn't feel like crying, but i do.

[he did say that it's only temporary.]
[the haircut, i mean.]

after this, i'll never sun bathe in the backyard again

i haven't seen another soul in a couple of hours, a couple of miles.
eucalyptus trees surround me, pale papery peeling bark,
small spear-shaped fragrant leaves.
a breeze rushes down the seldom-used trail,
i forget to breathe.
this place is holy.

immune failure

things that are good: hawaii! food! clean clothes!

however, i have had a cold the entire time that i've been here. crap.
and i got my period over the weekend, which knocked me out for a couple of days.
then i got a really bad sunburn on my back and was in pain every time i moved my torso for a good several days.
then, this morning i awoke to sharp pains in my stomach and, in general, feeling like hell.

(may i say this?) not fair.

today is my first day alone. i plan on walking a couple of miles up to the surfing area and collapsing in to the sand.

worried that i might have tetanus? or staph? or, as one girls called it, "the hiv?"

yesterday we learned that carmen and missi as a pair cannot hike eight miles in six hours.

the garden isle

i'm here!

the six-hour flight passed without a nervous breakdown on my part, thanks to my prayers and those of my loved ones. and to this website i found called FearOfFlyingHelp.com.

we stepped off the pressurized, air-conditioned plane into the warm humidity of honolulu, hawaii. hooray! i have never before that moment love humidity, but in comparison with chaffed hands and frosty morning cars, i couldn't ask for anything more.

the good news is, there is more!

when carmen and i landed at the lihue airport on kauai, i called our youth hostel and asked for someone to come pick us up. the woman on the phone said, okay, the guy picking you up will be a blond australian in a white convertible? i said, are you serious?! she didn't think it was a tropical 80s stereotype and said, yes.

we have bunk beds with full-sized mattresses and individual curtains. there is a window at the foot of my bed, and when i'm laying down i can see the ocean. our hostel is barely a fifty yards from the waves, and i get to watch the sun rise. unobstructed. i can't believe it.

yesterday carmen and i took a bus to the big town and rented a car from Island Rentals which offers beat-up, barely functional automobiles for a reduced rate. because the cars are so crappy, we don't have to worry about anyone breaking in or about getting the car messey. it already is. and we're pretty sure the jeep only has a four-gallon tank! is that possible?? it doesn't seem like it, but each time we've tried to fill 'er up the gasoline spills out at 3.9 gallons. and after 120 miles the needle has made very good friends with the E.

the woman who runs the hostel is named layla. she frightens me.

the guy in the bunk across from us has been living at the hostel for about six months now. this hippie works at the vegan icecream bakery and rubs a crystal on his forehead every morning and says things like "trinity of comfort."

this morning i took a shower on the roof. the wind blew in and i watched the ocean while i scrubbed the salt out of my hair.

so far: two sun burns. one bug bite. two avocados. no alcoholic beverages.

tomorrow we go on a 55 minute HELICOPTER TOUR of the island! the grandparents of the twins paid for it. i'm excited.

my boyfriend slipped a cash bonus into my backpack before i left. (i think he felt sorry that i got sick two days before my trip.)

i know this is lengthy, but i had a lot of ground to cover. love to everyone! someone hug my kitty!