Anticipation

Yesterday I got a book about hiking ("tramping") in New Zealand. In New Zealand they have huts built along the hiking trails so that you don't have to pack in a sleeping mat, tent, fuel or cooking stove. Each hut holds about twenty-five people and costs between five and twenty dollars a night. Yes!

I'm excited. Now the prospect of hiking solo for two months doesn't seem so... lonely. Last night I dreamed about it. It feels so good to step into this adventure alone, and that is something I never thought I'd say. Till now, loneliness had seemed the worst possible fate. Now I think that boredom is.

At this moment I'm considering putting off school until the fall of 2007, at the earliest. After NZ I will, for what seems like the first time, have no rent, employment, or romantic obligations. It's unsettling to realize that I'll not have this center to draw me back to Portland in a little under eight months. Amanda and Joel getting married will be the end of the MAMAs house, refuge of nomadic friends (and friends of friends). My friends are coupling off or moving away. What if I can't forge a Home for myself when I return?

If I return?